Monday, August 27, 2007
ever since i started working at Airport as a promoter, i've come across many people from different countries all with a story to tell.
today i was at work as usual. a 90+ old man approached me to check if he's in the right terminal, and i told him he was.
we started chatting as he was a friendly old man. i asked him if he was alone, and he told me was alone. i was kind of shocked because at such age he's still able to travel around alone.
he lives is queensland in a village with lots of retirees, and he's the oldest there.
i started to ask him about his family and i could see sadness in his face. and i knew something was wrong.
he said his wife passed away last year and tomorrow is her birthday. he said she should be here with him today to celebrate her birthday but she will no longer be able to.
he said that it's always the man who will die before his wife.
he said it's not how long a person lives that matters, it's how healthy and happy one is.
and that got me thinking about important it is to live life to the fullest.
i respect him a way because he's able to live happily and strongly even though his wife had just passed away.
and it happened to be that tomorrow is his wife's birthday but he'll be alone with no one else to accompany him.
even so he still lives strongly and happily.
people i meet in airport each day tells me a different story.
these stories are memorable and will certainly stay in my mind.Labels: memories
i died.
2:59 pm
Saturday, August 25, 2007
what in the fucking world is wrong this month.......
i lost my wallet, my phone's LCD cracked, i'm fucking broke...i'm stuck with my school project....
i just don't get it...WHAT IS FUCKING WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really want to get my life back on track.....i just want certain things to work well again....
it's little things in life that gets screwed up which causes more stress day by day......
but why is it happening to me so fucking often and all at once??????????.......
no one can help me.....what the fuck is wrong???...
i died.
3:07 pm
Friday, August 17, 2007
this is probably how i am each day...
people i meet and see everyday gives me different kinds of feelings...
some of which are really memorable and some which are really fucked up...
i realise that certain things i do everyday day is wrong and i know it, but i still choose to do it...
the way i treat and talk to people, the way i do things and the things i do its just not right.
sometimes i even go against my own will.
at times i would purposely go against people and i don't know why in the world i did that for.
i like to challenge authority, and thats what you get from me.
i treat different people differently. how i will treat a person is totally based on my point of view of him or her.
i get shocked by myself at times. i'm fascinated by the way i behave sometimes. it just suddenly happens and i'll be another person. the way i think and behave will change out of the blue. i might behave absurdly at times.
day by day i'm learning about myself with myself...
i get to know myself better as time goes by...
i'll learn what kind of person i am...but i don't think i'll finish learning about myself...
but soon i'll see...
attitude not aptitude
altitude not amplitudeLabels: me
i died.
5:53 pm
Monday, August 13, 2007
i'm beggining to think and feel that those people i meet nowadays cannot be trusted, be it at work, school or anywhere people come and go, in and out of my life....i'm starting to feel that they don't matter at all, as if they're not there....
whatever they've said or done, i hear and forget, i see and forget......
i don't know why i'm having this kind of feeling,
but it's just there in my head telling me that everyone i meet is evil and have something up their sleeves...have a motive in their mind...
it's kind of sick to feel this way...but i just can't help it....
but it's this feeling that gives me the personal sense of security i'm looking for and need in my life...
be it at work or outside, i feel it...
i get this feeling strongest when i'm working...i can't help but think that my colleagues are fake and dangerous...
i suppose it's time for me to isolate myself from people and be alone for a while...
time for self reflection and relaxation...Labels: Dubiousness feel
i died.
6:17 pm
Thursday, August 09, 2007
all was gone in just a minute without me knowing how it happened.....
my wallet was stolen while i was doing my duty in school.....all gone.....
i can't be bothered with the money....it's the photos that i'm sad and heartbreaking about.....
those photos really means a lot to me...i really wish i can have them back...
those photos write a big part of a story in my life...it may mean nothing to you because you are after the money....
i don't know how to explain how much those photos means to me...
my heart really aches whenever i think of the photos which are no longer with me...
6 years worth of photos...it really mean something to me...
bitter, sweet, fond memories are written on the photos...
nothing can replace how much those photos means to me...
i miss them badly...it hurts...and tormenting...
to make things worse i slipped and fell and cut my kunckles and knee because of a FUCKING uncle who was cleaning the floor driving some stupid car and came at my direction....
today is just not my day...
i don't understand why god likes to fuck things up for me in life.......is it because i don't believe in god...
i always have my things stolen, especially my wallet and handphone.
people talk to me about KARMA and i believe in it strongly...
but i can swear that i'm not an evil person,
i don't steal, lie, bully, cheat or anything you can think of that are evil and deserves KARMA.... i don't i simply don't
and why am i always getting this kind of SHIT in my life every single FUCKING year around my birthday!!!.....
i don't FUCKING understand at all....why do i deserve this kind of shit in my life so bloody often....
i always tell myself not to do things which would hurt people or make people really depressed...
i returned so many fucking wallets and handphones to the owner which i found in the streets and work....
why do i still get this kind of FUCKING shits all the time????????
god please think about what i've just said...
i just don't understand what did i do to deserve such FUCKING CRAP.....why? why? why?
now i'm beggining to doubt this phrase "what goes around, comes back around"
what kind of crap is this?...what did i do to deserve this?....tell me god tell me.....
now i'm FUCKING broke...i lost all my pay for last month and this week's allowance.
i lost my FUCKING ic, EZ-link, multiple membership cards, important corporate contacts.
i lost $170++ in cash...FUCKING cash i repeat, FUCKING cash!!!!.........
i've absolutely no FUCKING idea how i'm going to survive all the way till the start of next month.
totally broke, no way of transport, no mood for anything at all...
to the person who took my wallet,
if you happen to see this post and my friendster shoutout message
please be nice enough to return me the photos and Nric in my wallet to me.
it really means a lot to me....put yourself in my shoes and you'll know how i feel...Labels: FUCKING LIFE
i died.
1:32 pm
Sunday, August 05, 2007
finally after long anticipation and waiting, the actual shoot for the trailer had started....
it started from 8am to 7.30pm and it was both fun and hell...
i had to kneel down on a very vintage playground with sand, it's pretty hard to find such playground in singapore nowadays.
almost gone actually.
imagine kneeling down on the sand for hours and getting slapped repeatedly throughout the day. it was hell and humiliation i would say, but i'm sacrificing for the arts and something i had always wanted to do but never got the chance and now i've got it so i'll treasure it.
my knee hurts like hell and i feel kind of intimidated after being slapped for countless times. if i were to count the total number of times i'm slapped including the rehearsals in the studio, it should be more than 200 times and thats a lot.
plus during a few of the rehearsal in the morning on the actual day i got cut and scratched by the floor that has sharp edges.
i know i am obviously complaining about it but i figured out that it's part and parcel of movie making.
i really find those extras acting for this movie a distraction for me because i feel that their expression was too exaggerating and made me feel like bursting into laughter but luckily i didn't, if not i'll be scolded by the director badly.
throughout the shoot i realized that movie making is no easy stuff, and requires a lot of hard work, extreme coordination and cooperation.
in the shoot every actor must be able to imagine that they are in a real situation so as to project the expected kind of expression, feel and mood but it's very difficult to achieve this.
it's very stressing and frustruating for both the actors and director to repeat a single scene many times just because of certain things.
through this trailer shoot, i've learn to appreciate every move that was produced, because it takes a great deal of hard work and pain to produce it.
even though a movie may seem lousy or boring to me, i will still appreciate it because i know how hard it is to produce a movie.
we should start supporting local productions, otherwise they will not be able to suceed and all the hard work will go down the drain.
most of the time we support hollywood movies because of the visual effects they have and the hot stars in the movie.
these movie directors are successful most of the time because they have the money, people and recognition they have.
but for local directors they face problems such as finance, actors and most importantly the support from people in singapore.
to produce movie with a imited budget is very difficult and careful planning is crucial.
and so i appeal to everyone please try to support local productions and appreciate every movie ever made.
i'm quite satisfied with my own performance in the shoot, and i believe that i had given my best.
to some i might not be good enough to be an actor, but it doesn't matter.
throughout the entire shoot all i was concerned about was my expression and the feel i gave.
i kept asking if my facial expression was good enough.
and the director told me i was good, upon hearing that i was satisfied and relieved.
there was another assistant director who was in charge of the camera and angle.
he's very fierce and accepted no mistake both from the actors and his crew.
whenever his crew made a mistake or did not perform up to his expectations, he would scold or insult them openly.
i felt pretty sad for his crew because of the way he scolded them.
but this director is very professional and he knows his stuffs very well.
in a way i respect him but not the way he talks and scold people.
something very memorable happened right after we finished the last scene.
Mr Boi the Director for the movie proposed to his girlfriend in front of over 60 people in front of the camera.
they are together for over 10 years and finally he proposed.
his girlfriend was totally shocked and surprised when he took out the ring, rose and suddenly kneel down in front of her and proposed loudly. she accepted and we all clapped and cheered loudly.
it was a nice ending for that day and everyone was happy for Mr Boi.
i think that Mr Boi is having his happiest time in his life because of his achievements and his future.
finally made his movie a reality and getting married soon, i'm proud and happy for him.
Congratulations Mr Boi
after the shoot ended i went to have dinner with Mr Boi and all the other crew for dinner.
that dinner inspired me and taught me a good lesson.
i had a chat with nicholas who's also a producer if i'm not wrong.
he asked me how i felt after the shoot and stuffs and i told him how i felt and he asked me this question.
what kind of role do i prefer and i told him i would like to act as someone who's neglected and rejected.
he asked me why did i choose this role and i said because it's pretty similar to my life.
i told him about what i feel about my life and things i've experienced. things like me being a loner and i enjoy it because it gives me a different point of view from other people.
i believe i see things differently from others because i think differently and liks being alone.
i enjoy being alone because i can observe many things and think about things i see. it's unique and shocking sometimes.
Nicholas told me to bring out a notebook out with me everytime and use it to write down experiences i may get when i'm outside.
it's just like a story book of my own life and i am the only one who will understand the book.
he really inspired me to do certain things and to remain who i am now because i feel different and unique.
now i believe inspiration really comes from someone we don't know.
i want to express my heartfelt thanks to these people,
Mr Boi
April
Assistant Director
soundman
Randy
Nicholas
Anthony
June
Dorothy
Chris
Teng
Grace
Jolin
Mike
teacher with a tatto on his back
this is one day that i will not forget in my life.
a day filled with new experiences, new feelings, mood, satisfaction, happiness and most importantly inspiration.Labels: "The Days"
i died.
2:59 pm
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
i'm involved in a local production called "brother"
i've been going through intensive rehearsals and stuffs, staying back in school till late at night and going to Toa Payoh early in the morning, but i skipped one though because i was very tired and had to work on that day.
i'm looking forward to act in this movie because i've never been involved in such things before.
a new and exiciting experience for me.
it's not about the money but really the experience. and i hope i will have more chance to get involved in movie making.
this coming saturday is the Shoot for the movie trailer and i am looking forward to it.Labels: "The Days"
i died.
4:32 pm
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